At long last: I have earned Vern's respect!

Dear Professional Who's Who,

That I am stunned and flattered to receive this notice of my nomination to such an honor would be an understatement of the highest degree!

You wrote:

> From: Professional Who's Who <WhosWho@vernsroadsidebbqhut.com>
> Subject: Please Complete Your Registration.
> Date: April 28, 2012 4:38:46 PM PDT
> To: [Bob's email address]

I must admit that when I first saw the From address in your email, I was in a state of disbelief.

Could it be possible that after these many long decades, my one true lifelong ambition could finally be realized?

Even as a child, I could dream of only one thing: to be brought to the attention of the one man whose respect in the professional world is sought by all, and whose judgement is considered to be unerring:

Vern, of Vern's Roadside BBQ Hut.

The mere thought that it might have come to pass was, indeed, dizzying.

And yet, there it was, in electronic writing. My name, in the greeting:

> Dear Valued Professional,

A heart-stopping line -- rivaled, perhaps, only in the late 1960's by the word "Greetings."

> You have recently been nominated as a candidate
> to represent your professional community in the 2012
> Edition of Who's Who among Executives and Professionals!

What a momentous day in my career, and in my life! To know that Vern himself has granted me his mantle of approval is sincerely gratifying.

> Please Confirm Your Job Title & Professional Information!
> Visit here.
>
> Also note that there is No-Charge to be included!

As always, Vern proves himself to be beneficent to the nth degree.

His story is the story of the self-made American: hard work, careful budgeting, and a barbecue sauce that could strip the chrome off a bumper hitch can lead to 1 and one-half restaurant locations in the Tri-County area, and long-term prosperity.

But of course, Vern didn't stop there. He knew that his legacy should be more than just that of a sauce whose secret recipe was purchased for a large (yet undisclosed) sum by Pep Boys.

Vern saw that he had an obligation to give back to the community -- yes, even to the world. And so, he founded Vern's Professional Roadside Who's Who BBQ Hut Foundation, a 501(c)332(f)1[D]9022122 non-profit organization whose mission is to recognize deserving professionals across this great country, and around the world.

Yet, I digress. You, of course, already know this story. (It is, after all, framed and hanging on the men's restroom wall at VRBBQH#1, between the machine-autographed photo of Elvis, and the mounted Guiness-book-record muskrat pelt snagged by Jethro Purdy in 1952.)

I am more than happy to also abide by the following:
> ----------
> Notice of Confidentiality: This email advertisement may
> contain confidential and privileged information for the use
> of the designated recipients named above. If you feel that
> you are indeed not the intended recipient, you are hereby
> notified that you have received this communication in error
> and that any review, disclosure, dissemination, distribution
> or copying of it or its contents is prohibited.

Owing to the highly confidential nature of our relationship, I would never dream of divulging your communication to me in any venue. For example, I would never publish it in a blog or on Facebook.

To do so would be to dishonor the name of Vern.

> If you feel
> as if you received this communication by mistake, please use
> the options available below to stop receiving future
> notifications. This is a career enhancement opportunity, not
> an offer for employment. To opt out please visit this safe
> link.

I must say that disbelief once again came over me when I read this portion of your letter.

Was I really deserving of this honor, or was this simply a case of misdelivered email? In the end, though, I knew that this message was the fulfillment of my destiny.

Please do thank Vern for me (although I know he is a very busy man, especially with that third paternity suit pending).

And also thank him for sharing this excellent recipe with me! An additional honor that I could never have anticipated.

> there. TO COOK ASPARAGUS Boil at the vegetables
> through the same water for four tablespoonfuls of chocolate
> in a lump of mashed potatoes, a dinner, on a pig's trotter

One question, though: Does Vern prefer his trotters bone-in, or deboned?

And... Since Vern is known as an expert on the subject, does he recommend the substitution of SPAM?

Regardless, I shall immediately go to the link and register myself as requested.

I remain, eternally, Vern's humble servant,

...Robert M. West

The World Reacts in Horror to 2012 Olympic Mascots

One day later, the world is still in shock and mourning over Wednesday's introduction of Wenlock and Mandeville, the official mascots of the London 2012 Olympics.

2012 Olympics mascots Wenlock and Mandeville
AP
2012 Olympics mascots Wenlock and Mandeville

--> Graphic designers continue to weep openly in the streets. Schools have brought in crisis counselors to comfort frightened youngsters. ...

I should warn my clients that I may have to take the week off sick.

I just got my first glimpse of the new Olympic mascots.

What is it about city-level Olympic Committees that prompts them to commission the most horribly-designed, awkward, ugly, bulbous-and-or-spindly, ridiculous, meaningless, frightening and/or nauseating mascot characters they possibly can? It's as if each new Olympic city is in a competition with all the previous to see how much bad publicity they can generate, because they know quickly horrendous designs will go viral with a V – as in "venom". As long as they spell your name right? Is that the theory?

Take, for example – or just take them away, please – Wenlock and Mandeville, the official mascots of the London 2012 Olympics.

To begin to describe how terrible these mindlessly-concocted soulless, disturbing, one-eyed alien cartoon creatures would be to tackle a week-long writing project. And thank goodness, I don't have the time.

Just one look at the photo is worth ten thousand words from a poison pen.

I'm looking forward to a time when character designers and ad agencies will link arms and sit down in the face of the pepper spray of Olympic Committee insanity, and just refuse to create mascots at all. Better none than Deadlock and Bennyhill.

The only bright spots in this kind of crime against good design and the eyeballs, minds and stomachs it seeks to inform and protect, are the act's unifying nature – like the world reacting to a terrorist attack – and some really funny opinion articles like the one by Simon Dumenco at Ad Age. What's sad is that with all his seeming hyperbole, his description of the reaction to this attack on branding sense isn't all that exaggerated.

And the tweets are almost as funny.

The twitter reaction slideshow:
http://adage.com/article/the-media-guy/twitter-reacts-horror-2012-olympic-mas...

Ad Age's original story on yesterday's announcement:
http://adage.com/article/adages/olympics-set-ridiculous-mascots/143973/#

The Right is Stopping College Students From Voting

Political leaders should be encouraging young adults to participate in civic life, but many Republican state lawmakers are doing everything they can instead to prevent students from voting in the 2012 presidential election. Some have openly acknowledged doing so because students tend to be liberal.

. . .

William O’Brien, the speaker of the New Hampshire State House, told a Tea Party group earlier this year that students are “foolish” and tend to “vote their feelings” because they lack life experience. “Voting as a liberal,” he said, “that’s what kids do.”

The epidemic of voting restriction laws created by the Right Wing has spread across the country. Republican state legislators want to stop Democrats, minorities, the poor and the young from ejecting them from their corporate-sponsored power pulpits.

One demographic they're targeting is college students. Even though they are of voting age, Republicans want to make sure students – and all of their other targets – can't vote, because, well, they're often liberal.

In other words, this is their idea of democracy: you can vote, but only if you agree with us.

Sound familiar?

It should. This is the way dictatorships have run their so-called "elections" since time immemorial. There are periodic elections, but, somehow, the ruling party or the dictator and his cronies or the junta magically get "re-elected" for every new term. No matter that the opposition has been jailed or disappeared, or that opposing voters are intimidated by force, or beaten outright, keeping them from the polls.

Here in the United States, there's no presidential guard wielding machetes, and there are no black-masked death squads kicking down midnight doors. But this action by the Right Wing is, at its core, no different.

Some of these laws have already been struck down, but the Wingers know that if they can subvert the electoral process for long enough, they can permeate much the government with their extreme policies, and, more importantly, guarantee themselves additional cushy terms in a well-heeled power structure that all but guarantees their own comfort and profit – along with that of their cronies and corporate sponsors – both now and after they leave office.

It's incredible that in a country whose voters have historically been loudly vocal about gerrymandering, there seems to be so little objection to this blatant attempt to destroy democracy.

Wake up. Stand up. Take action. Before it's all gone.

Start 2012 by Taking 2 Minutes to Clean Your Apps Permissions

Media_httpmypermissio_hdaoh

Ever wonder how many social media apps you've given access to your personal info? Facebook and other services allow you to change your settings, and delete apps... But figuring out how to do that can be bewildering, taking 4 or more clicks to finally get to the settings page.

Here's a great little service that provides a shortcut to the permissions settings page for your account on popular services— Facebook, twitter, Google, Yahoo, LinkedIn, Dropbox, Instagr.am, and Flickr.

Just make sure you're logged into the service first, then click on one of the icons on this page to be beamed straight into controlsville.

Start your new year off clean!

Site: http://mypermissions.org/

12 Days of Christmas in Record Time - a Thought Nozzle™ animated short

And now for my epic Thought Nozzle holiday greeting card for 2011-2012... The 12 Days of Christmas, in Record Time. Without all that repetitive singing. And with a cast of thousands. Well, okay, a cast of 76, plus a couple of rosy-cheeked cherubs. And as an homage (and with apologies) to Terry Gilliam.

Here's hoping your holidays are festive, and your new year is happy and prosperous (with or without leaping lords).

Stop by www.thoughtnozzle.com when you get a chance. We might even have some cookies left.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'd better get started on next year's card...

The HD version -- viewed full-screen -- is highly recommended for all the ridiculously intricate details. And crank up those goose-honkin' speakers!

HD Version: http://youtu.be/Oy6mEiGwouI?hd=1
Econo Version: http://youtu.be/Oy6mEiGwouI

Growing wealth widens distance between lawmakers and constituents

Media_httpwwwwashingt_nfyru

The Washington Post reports that the wealth of those in Congress has more than doubled in recent years, while the wealth of the average American has declined.

The gap between the richest and the poorest, and between those in power and those whose backs upon which that wealth and power were built, continues to widen.

Downward we continue to trundle, into the ranks of the banana republics.

Justice Dept. rejects South Carolina voter ID law as discriminatory

Media_httpwwwwashingt_oprky

Great news in the fight against right-wing efforts to deny Americans their right to vote. the Justice Department says South Carolina's law requiring ID is discriminatory.

Here's hoping this sets a precedent that will reverse these bogus laws across the country.

The story at the Washington Post:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/justice-dept-rejects-south-carolina-vo...