At long last: I have earned Vern's respect!
Dear Professional Who's Who,
That I am stunned and flattered to receive this notice of my nomination to such an honor would be an understatement of the highest degree!You wrote:> From: Professional Who's Who <WhosWho@vernsroadsidebbqhut.com>> Subject: Please Complete Your Registration.
> Date: April 28, 2012 4:38:46 PM PDT
> To: [Bob's email address]I must admit that when I first saw the From address in your email, I was in a state of disbelief.Could it be possible that after these many long decades, my one true lifelong ambition could finally be realized?Even as a child, I could dream of only one thing: to be brought to the attention of the one man whose respect in the professional world is sought by all, and whose judgement is considered to be unerring:Vern, of Vern's Roadside BBQ Hut.The mere thought that it might have come to pass was, indeed, dizzying.And yet, there it was, in electronic writing. My name, in the greeting:> Dear Valued Professional,A heart-stopping line -- rivaled, perhaps, only in the late 1960's by the word "Greetings."> You have recently been nominated as a candidate
> to represent your professional community in the 2012
> Edition of Who's Who among Executives and Professionals!What a momentous day in my career, and in my life! To know that Vern himself has granted me his mantle of approval is sincerely gratifying.> Please Confirm Your Job Title & Professional Information!
> Visit here.
>
> Also note that there is No-Charge to be included!As always, Vern proves himself to be beneficent to the nth degree.His story is the story of the self-made American: hard work, careful budgeting, and a barbecue sauce that could strip the chrome off a bumper hitch can lead to 1 and one-half restaurant locations in the Tri-County area, and long-term prosperity.But of course, Vern didn't stop there. He knew that his legacy should be more than just that of a sauce whose secret recipe was purchased for a large (yet undisclosed) sum by Pep Boys.Vern saw that he had an obligation to give back to the community -- yes, even to the world. And so, he founded Vern's Professional Roadside Who's Who BBQ Hut Foundation, a 501(c)332(f)1[D]9022122 non-profit organization whose mission is to recognize deserving professionals across this great country, and around the world.Yet, I digress. You, of course, already know this story. (It is, after all, framed and hanging on the men's restroom wall at VRBBQH#1, between the machine-autographed photo of Elvis, and the mounted Guiness-book-record muskrat pelt snagged by Jethro Purdy in 1952.)I am more than happy to also abide by the following:
> ----------
> Notice of Confidentiality: This email advertisement may
> contain confidential and privileged information for the use
> of the designated recipients named above. If you feel that
> you are indeed not the intended recipient, you are hereby
> notified that you have received this communication in error
> and that any review, disclosure, dissemination, distribution
> or copying of it or its contents is prohibited.Owing to the highly confidential nature of our relationship, I would never dream of divulging your communication to me in any venue. For example, I would never publish it in a blog or on Facebook.To do so would be to dishonor the name of Vern.> If you feel
> as if you received this communication by mistake, please use
> the options available below to stop receiving future
> notifications. This is a career enhancement opportunity, not
> an offer for employment. To opt out please visit this safe
> link.I must say that disbelief once again came over me when I read this portion of your letter.Was I really deserving of this honor, or was this simply a case of misdelivered email? In the end, though, I knew that this message was the fulfillment of my destiny.Please do thank Vern for me (although I know he is a very busy man, especially with that third paternity suit pending).And also thank him for sharing this excellent recipe with me! An additional honor that I could never have anticipated.> there. TO COOK ASPARAGUS Boil at the vegetables
> through the same water for four tablespoonfuls of chocolate
> in a lump of mashed potatoes, a dinner, on a pig's trotterOne question, though: Does Vern prefer his trotters bone-in, or deboned?And... Since Vern is known as an expert on the subject, does he recommend the substitution of SPAM?Regardless, I shall immediately go to the link and register myself as requested.I remain, eternally, Vern's humble servant,...Robert M. West

